We all know those people who seem to ooze self-confidence. Not to be confused with cockiness, but they exude pure confidence. These people move forward in life, live their full potential, and don’t seem to let anything shake their confidence.
Well my friend, YOU have the ability to be confident, too. You have the capacity to change your confidence level. It starts with awareness and the desire to make a difference in your life.
Let’s talk about ways people often allow themselves to get stuck in insecurities, and how to get past that and press forward…CONFIDENTLY.
Confidence Paralyzer #1: COMPARING YOUR LIFE TO OTHERS
I think it’s safe to say that most people use some sort of social media. Regardless of who we follow or what we like, we tend to normalize what we see. Without putting much thought into it, we tend to think that what we are viewing is the real daily life of that person. In actuality, we are more likely viewing the highlight reel of someone’s life. We look at that highlight reel and consciously or subconsciously compare it to our own everyday lives.
Daily, REAL life does not consist of filters, best angles, best lighting or highlights. Sadly, this is a trap that young teens fall in to as well as adults.
I encourage you to step out of that mindset. Instead, compare yourself and your life to where you’ve been and where you want to go. Life is not about you vs. everyone else – it’s you vs. you. .
Think about the best version of you. What would you look like? What would you be doing with your life? What would your thoughts and goals look like? THAT is who is your comparison. Write down who you are now, and who you want to become, along with the steps it will take to get you there. The capacity to create a better version of yourself completely lies in your hands.
It’s time to change the old mindset of comparing yourself to everyone else. When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at will change. It is in determining who your ideal you is, and then taking the steps to become that ideal person, that your confidence will grow.
To encourage you to step out of this mindset, I made you a free, fillable worksheet. Use it to focus on the positive and allow yourself to make mistakes. Find yours below.
Confidence Paralyzer #2:
FOCUSING ON THE NEGATIVE
There is no person in this world that can go through life without experiencing some event or situation we would constitute as negative. Whether it’s loss, tragedy or hurt, these experiences are part of life for everyone. Some are more life-altering than others. But, they all happen to all of us at some point in our lives. The key is how we react to it. How we think about these less-than-ideal experiences is really what defines us and our ability to move forward.
Regardless of the situation, we all have one thing that is certain: CHOICE. We can choose to let negative scenarios rule our thoughts and behavior, running through them over and over. Or, we can think through them, learn from them and move forward. The beauty is, It is entirely up to us!
I have had multiple situations that occurred to me that fit this description perfectly. I was encouraged to read a book called Loving What Is by Byron Katie. In the book, Byron talks about our thoughts and gives us 4 questions to consider when we have those thoughts. The questions are:
- Is the thought TRUE?
- Can I absolutely know that it's true?
- How do I react when I think that thought?
- Who would I be without that thought?
When you have paralyzing, negative thoughts that keep you locked in your bad situation, run your thoughts through these 4 questions. If you come to the conclusion that the thought is damaging to you, then consider the last question,”Who would I be without that thought”?
Choose to let go of anger, bitterness, and animosity. By staying on a track of negative thoughts, these can easily take over and rule your life. . Instead, choose to work toward letting go of thoughts and feelings that are keeping you from being the person that God has called you to be. Fill that space with thoughts of love, forgiveness and acceptance. Once your mindset changes, so too will your behavior.
Confidence Paralyzer #3:
ALLOWING PERFECTIONISM TO RULE YOUR LIFE
“A ship is safe in harbor, but that's not what ships are for”~ William G.T. Shedd
This is one I have a personal struggle with in my own life. I may not be 100% sure when I do things, but I realized how often I was paralyzing myself by allowing perfectionism to rule me.
But what is beneath perfectionism, anyway?
I believe fear is ultimately what feeds perfectionism. The fear of someone finding out that I'm not good enough or perfect enough. Here’s a reality check: Noone is perfect, but we are all good enough. Somehow, we get stuck in the belief that everyone else has it all together and we are the only one with problems and imperfections. The unfortunate consequence of this mindset is that we stay stuck and “safe” in our small worlds and small minds. We allow the complacency of comfort to keep us from a life of fulfillment and action.
But do you know what can kill perfectionism dead in its tracks? Action. Just do IT, whatever your IT is. Make a plan, set a date, and act on it. Reach out to someone who will help you stay accountable to your plan and then begin to carry it forward. Confidence will grow from creating plans and making them happen. By doing so, you are putting the power in your hands!You are more powerful than you realize.
Don’t have an accountability coach or a mentor? Contact me. My goal is to help women reach their fullest potential, empowering them to live their ideal life. I would love to help you get there.
Don't forget to download your very own worksheet to help you find greater confidence today!
You got this!~ Dr. Cortney Baker